By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
