you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
