too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
