Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
