Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry about my life...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
