her vagine was all disorganized.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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