this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
