my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
