She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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