I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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