Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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