3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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