Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
