I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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