trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
