I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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