After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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