I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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