wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
