haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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