Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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