As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
