a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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