I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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