We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
