like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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