He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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