One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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