I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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