Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
