I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
