OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
