I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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