watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
