Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
