my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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