Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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