Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
