How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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