apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
