Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
