You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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