I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
