he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
