Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
