I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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