i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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