I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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