Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
