Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
