Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
