You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
