if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
