she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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