Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
