I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
