i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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