We won't sleep together?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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