please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
