And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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