I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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