i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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