I forgot how hot balto sounded
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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