I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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