Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
