i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
