i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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