News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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