I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
