its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
