Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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